Work, work, and work. He’s got to work, got to succeed, got to get that promotion, got to be respected by his colleagues, got to… be a man.
Men are born with this urge to be the head, the leader, the provider, the role model, and the one who knows everything. Yet, some men have a hard time managing this.
His identity is connected with his success. Without success, he feels less of a man, doesn’t do what’s expected of him, and basically feels like a loser.
This is why you hear about men who, in spite of having a wonderful family, commit suicide because their business goes bankrupt, or of men who become drunks, spending all day in a pub because they lost their jobs.
Fortunately, not all go to these extremes, but the number of men who do is not small.
This is a key thing about men and a woman who loves her man should understand that he needs to conquer. It’s part of who he is, which is why it may sometimes look like he’s too busy for you or that he’s a workaholic. And though he needs to get his priorities right, it’s up to the woman to be understanding and supportive of his needs.
It’s no use begging him to stop worrying about the matters that threaten his position as the leader and head of the family, so why try? Wife, pray for him. Ask God to guide him and be as much a part of his life as you can and never, ever, compare him with anyone else! It increases the pressure and makes him feel inferior.
It’s interesting to note that because of this need for success, many men hate to go to the doctor (or dentist). They simply think that by not going, they will avoid finding out that something is wrong with them! Men’s egos … they can be amusing. And let’s not forget their inability to ask for directions! This might be the reason behind their obsession with football—having a team, cheering for it, seeing it win, and feeling like the winner himself—but that’s just a theory of mine.
So next time you feel like pointing out his mistakes— don’t. Be wise and wait for the best time to speak to him about matters that can be done differently. When a man is rebuked, it’s as if you’re threatening his own success and his ego gets bruised and hard to deal with after that.
After all the above, it’s now quite clear why God teaches women to submit to their husbands! It’s not just something we have to do, or because we’re inferior to them, or even because that way is more organised. There’s a strong argument that backs it up and one that makes complete sense. We’re different and one major difference in men is: their identity is linked to where they are in this world. They need to feel valued, respected and admired. You do that, and your husband won’t feel the pressure so much (though it’ll always be there), will not need to look for it elsewhere, and will be the husband you’ve always dreamed of.
In faith,
Cristiane Cardoso