Ah alright Cris, so all I have to do is admit my spiritual situation and want to change… but I already do that and I haven’t been able to be born of God. Like always, people like to do things half way and then say that they’ve already done everything. When I went to the altar, I went because I wanted to get out of that situation of being weed but my will wasn’t enough.
If you ask anyone: “Hey, do you want to win a million dollars?” Surely they will say yes. But is that enough to win? Of course not! I admitted, I wanted, now let’s see the next step… As I walked to the altar, I told Him what was in the bottom of my heart. I didn’t speak nice or overly thought-out words. The more I spoke to God, the more words appeared in my vocabulary, as though they were in me the whole time without me knowing it. At that moment, I didn’t even remember that there were people beside me, the concentration in that act before God was 100%.
It was then that something happened inside of me. It was something so personal that it is difficult to describe. All I know is that tears ran down my face and I couldn’t even pronounce words. I realised how lost I was, how much I needed Him, that without Him I was nothing. I had never repented about anything, finally I discovered the meaning of things. And when I heard His Voice inside me for the first time, those tears of repentance converted into tears of happiness. The Voice of God isn’t audible like the voice of any other person, nonetheless, it is different. You know it comes from Him. It’s unexplainable! He consoled me as though He was coming to me, giving me His hand and hugging me. In that moment, I was sure that I pertained to Him, that I would never be the same.
That’s why this is my favourite Psalm. I identify so well with it. “I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth; even praise unto our God; many shall see it and fear, and shall trust the Lord.” (Psalms 40. 1-3) Third step: Render yourself mind, body and soul without reservation. Do you know what happened next? I’ll tell you next week…
In faith
Cristiane Cardoso