My childhood was like any other. I was a happy child, always playing, laughing. I loved being close to my family. I was a secure child. 
But in an instant I lost the most natural thing a child could have, I lost trust and with it my childhood. I was raped by an older man when I was eight years old. I remember not knowing what was happening but understood that it was wrong. His breath reeked of tobacco and it lingered on my body and my mind throughout my childhood. I was so young, so helpless. After the incident, my behaviour changed completely. Gone was the playful Pauline and in her place was a new Pauline – a confused young girl who hated men. My family noticed the change in me, but I could not tell them, I could not tell anyone. The man threatened to kill me if I ever said a word about what happened and I believed him.
As I grew older, my hatred and anger grew as well. By that time my relationship with my parents was bad, to say the least. I hated them for not protecting me, for not comforting me, for not being able to see what had happened to me.
This experience had left a scar that reached deep into my soul and now I see that only Christ could have gone that far to help me. He taught me to do the one thing I thought impossible at the time: to forgive. His amazing love for me gave me the strength to forgive my abuser and my parents. Fourteen years after that horrible day, I finally told my mother what happened. She was shocked, sad and was amazed that I had kept it hidden for so long. But even though it took me so long to let go, I thank God that I finally did.
Today I am a married woman and have learned to see myself through Christ’s eyes: forgiven, healed, beautiful, saved and most importantly, loved.
Pauline