I was in a dark hole and I blamed God

The death of a loved one during childhood is often linked to serious and enduring health issues, such as deep depression, suicidal tendencies and other mental health struggles.

 Bafana's experience was no different after his mother’s passing.

"While growing up, I had a very close relationship with my mother. She was always there for me and my siblings, attentively loving and caring for us. I was closer to her than I was to my father.

When she passed away in 2017, it broke my heart. I felt immense pain and a deep void inside, as if my whole world had been torn apart.

I started sinking into deep depression and suicidal thoughts constantly flooded my mind. I started looking for someone to blame.

My behaviour changed. I became withdrawn and isolated myself from friends and family. Whenever anyone tried to get close to me, I pushed them away because I preferred to be alone.

Not having a healthy relationship with my father only made my grief worse. He wasn’t always good to us. After my mother's death, he became more aggressive, yelling at us without any provocation, and even beating us. My feelings toward him turned into hatred.

Even though I was struggling terribly inside, I let pride take over and refused to show anyone my pain.

I was overwhelmed by mixed emotions.  One moment I’d feel happy, and the next, I’d be overcome with sadness. Even the smallest things would trigger me.

I was in a dark place, and I blamed God for taking my mother away. The thoughts of ending my life grew stronger. Whenever I was alone, those thoughts would consume me.

One of my friends, who was a member of the Universal Church, noticed what I was going through. He encouraged me to attend a service with him.

I attended a Sunday morning service, and the message that day changed my life completely.

I kept going to church regularly and committed myself to attending services daily, especially on Fridays, to be freed from suicidal thoughts and depression. Over time, I saw changes in my life because I chose to give my pain to God, trusting that He would help me.

I learned that everything I had gone through had a purpose. I stopped blaming God for my mother’s death. I no longer have hatred towards my father. I found inner peace and surrendered everything to God and now I have the joy and contentment I never had,” said Bafana.