30 January 2020

Away from God, I had suicidal thoughts

Believing that her mother loved her sister more than her, Zodwa weakened spiritually and drifted away from the presence of God.

That was when her life attracted every ungodly behaviour and she disrespected her mother and elder sister, became rebellious and even drank alcohol. "I strongly felt my mother did not love me from the age of 13.  I only attended services after my mother complained that I hadn't been going to the church with them. I got bored during the service and could not wait for it to end. I became rebellious at home and found pleasure in everything that my mother did not like. I hardly attended services and I abandoned the teachings of faith. I always attacked my sister who is 13 years older than me. Hearing my mother defending my sister always fuelled my anger towards the two of them.

I even drank alcohol and went to parties to spite her. My mother and my sister always disappointed me because they never entertained my rebelliousness. They never gave me the fight I wanted and that frustrated me to the point where I wanted to end my life. At 15 I took different tablets that were in the house and when I was about to swallow them, the thought of going to hell stopped me," said Zanele.

That was when Zanele decided to commit her life to God and attended services regularly. “At the Youth Power Group meetings I understood the importance of respecting my mother and my elder sister. I also learnt that I needed to build a relationship with my family in order to please God. I found courage to apologise to my mother and my sister for disrespecting them.  I stopped drinking and going to parties because I wanted to please God and my mother. I also understood that my soul was precious before God and I stopped entertaining suicidal thoughts. I now have a good relationship with God and my family,” said Zanele.