Nothing mattered to me after I started drinking alcohol in my teens.

I isolated myself from people and as a result, I had suicidal thoughts. I had a huge void inside me. I thought I was worthless and life was not worth living. In order to distract myself from what I was going through, I started taking in a lot of caffeine. I drank coffee three times a day, but that was not enough as I also took energy drinks to get through the day

I then sought comfort with friends, going to parties, drinking alcohol, smoking dagga and I later became addicted. To feed my addiction, I even sold my clothes. Drinking and smoking was what shifted my focus away from my father. However, when I was sober, I became sad and felt unworthy.  As a result, I wanted to kill myself.